I am struggling to return to the routine of this project, and have ended up a few days behind again.  My life is messy at the moment: my mental energy is being swallowed by recent rental uncertainties, and the potential disruption and financial pressure of having to move to a new apartment is really stressing me out.  This is fuelling the voice that asks "what is the point of doing this?", and not just this project, but music altogether.

I felt a lot of pressure to produce something decent after my break, as though the imaginary audience in my mind were waiting to judge me on whether the pause was worthwhile, and if I still had it in me to create a decent piece of music.  In order to keep those voices at bay I kept myself to some very strict compositional exercises.

A little video to mark my break.  I didn't include today, which I guess means I'd better get writing.

This was where I decided to take a proper break.  I think this video suggests that was a good idea.

More on the growing up theme, with a very un-grown-up performance (although the next video trumps this one in terms of childish behaviour).

In addition to writing about forests, my student and I were also working on the theme growing up.  This was my little musing, filmed in the reflection of a photograph of myself taken right before I detoured into music.

This one is connected to the previous piece through light-play.  The text came from some exercises I did with one of my students, we were doing some timed writing exercises around the theme forest.

The third between improvisation.

The second between improvisation.

Before I was interrupted with Migraine+Hives I had been working with the theme between, which I think came from piece #136.  I never managed to work my research/writing up into a song, so I used that text for a series of improvisations.  This is the first.

Where do I start?  It has only been three weeks since I posted my last song, but it feels like months.  I have been putting this update off, and like any good procrastination the longer you keep it up it the harder it becomes to start again...

Part III.

Part II.

So far in this project I haven't really been sick, but last week I crossed that hurdle.  Since just before Easter I have been experiencing a mysterious case of hives every time I exercise.  I have been pretty sedentary since they started, which is an easy habit to fall into when you're locked in a practice / teaching room all day with your instruments.  In a burst of inspiration to get active I went out for a jog, and came home an allergic mess.  As well as hives covering my entire body, my lips and tongue had swelled up, so I went to the emergency room in case of anaphylactic shock.  

This is yesterday's song.  I didn't spend ages on it, but I did engage myself fully in the research, writing and recording process, which I must admit I haven't been doing recently.  I'm perhaps regaining control over the project, and the other parts of my life too, and it feels very nice.

Here's a proper song, rather than me making light fun of my irritation at this project.  I started with nothing as a theme, and used the word to generate some melodic ideas.  The lyrics come from the word "thing", and the themes of "stretch of time" and "thingamajig" suggested by the etymological dictionary.  My clock theme of early in this project makes a reappearance.

A continuation from the previous day's wish. What would happen if I didn't write a song? Nothing, nothing at all.  And nothing would happen if I wrote a bad one either, as this proves.  I randomly bashed at the piano, and still lived to see another day.

This one is something of a merrythought, and definitely a wish I would have made if I'd cooked a roast chicken and won the wish-end of the wishbone.

From the previous day's gelatin to wishbone, dug out of a hot roast chicken.  In my bone-related research I discovered that the wishbone used to be called a "merrythought", which is kind of nice.

Another spoken piece inspired by bones, and office drudgery.