SCP #87: Filter (I)
My three-month, one-season marker came and went without a blog post, and I've finally got through the backlog of stuff on my camera. I'm still finding this project incredibly difficult, and I think the madness present in the pieces of the past week speaks for state of mind right now. I am mainly struggling to sit down and write, and the inner critics in my head are shouting very loud. However, watching back over the last week of videos makes me realise it really doesn't matter what I create. I can make anything! I can let the slamming of a door be part of the project, as in this piece. Or my crazy dreams about a barnyard brawl (Filter (II)), or picking out random notes on the piano (New Year's Even Aquarium), or making strange noises with my voice through effects pedals (The Grey Lady), or simply stringing a bunch of nonsense words together (Up Glasses!). These pieces all felt like a last resort, when my creative anxiety wouldn't let me make anything else, but they are legitimate creative expressions that capture my mood and mindset.
Despite the difficulties creating I have had a wonderful time playing some of the music from this project, first solo, and then last night with Adam Spiegl joining me on guitar. I have written so much music in the past three months, and stretched myself both as a writer and performer on multiple instruments. I don't think I need to prove to myself any longer that I can write music I am proud of, that is thrilling to perform, and that speaks to others in some way. The past three months have done that, so now, hopefully, I can just give myself over to exploring the limits of my imagination.
Here's Filter, which became the first of a three-part exploration. The window was open during the recording, blowing the door suddenly closed at the end, and I left that part in.