Posts tagged negativity
SCP #106: The Bite Of Your Love

A proper update on this project is well overdue.  I think I have quite seriously contemplated giving up every day for the past couple of weeks.  I've been trying to put my finger on what the real issue is, and it seems to be a number of things compounding.  The most perplexing problem seems to be a loss of confidence in myself.  I have managed to make over 100 pieces of music in as many days, and many of them I'm really proud of, yet I have lost faith in my ability to continue.  What if I've exhausted all I had in me?  What if I've just proved my mediocrity 100 times over?  What if I just repeat the same ideas for the next 100 and become a broken record?  These fears are ridiculous, but I'm finding it hard to switch them off.

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SCP #53: Library Ladder

I hadn't realised it, but somewhere along this project I stopped judging my work and just got down to the business of doing it.  For some reason my judgement was turned back on for this piece, which is why I realised it hadn't been there for the past few weeks.  Despite recent complaints about the heat and lack of emotional and physical energy, all those songs felt like a breeze to work on compared to this one.

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SCP #48: Leaf In The Wind

This project is making me really aware of the day-to-day fluctuations in emotional and physical energy I experience, and the very real effect that energy level has on my work.  I wrote yesterday morning about feeling burnt out, which I absolutely was the day before when I was trying to work on piece #47.  Last night, however, I felt entirely the opposite.  I was refreshed, ready and excited, and looking forward to an evening by myself in my studio.  I had tidied up a bit, which definitely helped entice me into my newly neat space, and I was anticipating the enjoyment of the night's work the same way you'd anticipate the enjoyment of a party.  I even indulged the Saturday night vibe with some fairy lights.

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